What if someone aspiring to be a builder was taken to a construction site without any training, handed a task list starting from laying the foundation of a house to paneling the roof, and told to just get on with it. Then it's implied that if you don't automatically possess these skills, there's something wrong with you as a builder. Pretty discouraging and unfair, isn't it? Yet, we often approach ourselves as the architects of our own lives in this absurd manner.
If I can't manage my emotions, control my reactions, maintain motivation, or healthy habits, act constructively in my relationships, commit, or seek help, we easily think that there's something wrong with me. And we tend to think the same way about others, especially those whose behavior seems outwardly problematic; a child who is violent towards daycare staff, a teenager who is anxious and withdraws from social interactions, an adult who repeatedly burns out at work, or has had multiple failed relationships. Because we might feel powerless in the face of our own or others' dysfunctional or even destructive behavior, our minds may gravitate towards an easy and seemingly sensible explanation; either I or that other person is somehow flawed, problematic, sick, or even evil. However, this idea doesn't help ourselves or those others, and it's not even true. The fact that oneself or someone else behaves in a non-constructive, dysfunctional, destructive, or downright absurd way doesn't tell anything about their worth or value. It largely reflects missing life skills.
Each of us should have been taught various skills, like the builder, to construct a thriving life. Such skills include, for example: the ability to regulate and handle emotions, set healthy boundaries, rest, listen to oneself and one's needs, forgive and ask for forgiveness, deal with stress constructively, set goals, and build lasting and close relationships. It's not about there being something wrong with the other builder or that they're deliberately building their house askew. However, we are in an unequal position when it comes to the kind of life skills education we happen to have received. For some of us, our upbringing has provided good lessons, for others very inadequate ones, and some of us have learned these skills as diligent adult learners. And yet we're all expected to be capable of building a similar house. Some without the skill to hammer a nail or use a level. It's evident that the end result will look different. However, it's not about there being something wrong with the other builder or that they're deliberately building their house askew.
At MARKED, we believe that life skills should be consciously taught to children, young people, and adults. We want to do it in a way that's inspiring, easy, and equally accessible to as many as possible. At the same time, we want to support the development of a healthy self-image and self-esteem, so that failures and life's challenges don't shatter the belief in one's own worth or goodness, but are seen as opportunities to learn new life skills.
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